Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Seven Threadly Sins

Written by Megan Flynn and Jenni Schweitzer

It’s a new year! Did your new year’s resolution have to do with looking more amazing? In a very backwards effort to help you out, we’ve actually come up with the seven most villainous and wicked wardrobe malfunctions that you should never, ever be tempted to commit. Keep them out of your closet in 2010!

These are in no particular order. We loathe them all equally.

1.Muffin Tops: Let’s make something clear—girls can be beautiful with practically any body type. A muffin top, for those of you who don’t know, is when the waistband of your pants is slightly too small, and what doesn’t fit spills over, like the top of a muffin. It has much less to do with weight than the fit of the waistband on your pants. Megan can buy her jeans at Abercrombie Kids and still has had to figure out a way to battle the dreaded muffin top. Don’t be afraid to buy a size up. We won’t tell anyone.

2. Pajamas in Class: Why? Stop it. It’s not that hard to wear jeans or throw on a dress; actually, it takes the exact same amount of effort as putting on a pair of pajama pants. If you’re really a fan of the whole comfortable look, try some black yoga pants. Paired with a nice plain t-shirt, it’s an easy way to say ‘Namaste’ to academia with both comfort and style.

3. Skinny Jeans have an obvious implication. They’re the most closely tapered pants without being tights or body paint, and generally speaking, we approve of them. Both Jenni and Megan own skinny jeans and have discovered the real challenge – finding an equally skinny top. Again, skinny jeans have little to do with your body and more to do with the physical cut of the cloth. Your top should not be too voluminous, or instead of muffin top, you’ll be a muffin. Try to find them in a darker wash to maximize the skinny part of your jeans.

4. Ugg Boots: We can see why you'd want to toast your tootsies after all those heels we prescribe. Megan actually owns two pairs, but wears them cautiously. Just make sure you don't follow the Apple Bottom Jeans formula. Your boots don't need the fur to stay warm in the winter. Promise. And definitely no mini-skirts. What’s the point? You’ll get an article solely devoted to Uggs soon—Jenni and Megan argue about the rules of boots constantly.

5. Bag Ladies: Why are you carrying your purse and a backpack? Bookbags have little compartments specifically designed for things like cell phones, keys and chapstick. And yes, we know that everyone around here collects Vera Bradley bags like librarians collect cats, but you have to start narrowing it down to just one per day. That blue tote with the bright pink mini backpack—that’s practically a quilt. The ID holders are nice, though. We like them. And pen and sunglass cases, as well as the larger pieces made for traveling all serve a higher purpose. When it comes to Vera, we have to say that function needs to outweigh form. We hate to be the ones to have to tell you, but quilted purses aren’t actually that fashionable.

6. Camouflage is completely useless on campus. Trust us, you are not blending in, and that destroys the point. Go hunting, sure, and thank you for controlling the deer population. But seriously? We can still see you.

7. Confusion: Ever seen a girl and wondered, "Is she wearing pants?" McDonald's might allow it, but we won't. No matter how cute the two pieces you're wearing are—like a long top with a mini—they aren't balanced. Fit is almost everything when it comes to looking and feeling great in your clothes, and you want pieces that will work together in harmony. Wear longer tops with skinny jeans instead of a miniskirt or tuck them into high-waist, more reasonable-length skirt.

Well, there you have them. Resolve accordingly.

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