Hey, Longwood Look readers.
So I graduated. Jenni and I are so sad to be seperated but we'll be meeting up at various times throughout the summer to spend our money at outlets.
As far as The Rotunda goes, we're not really sure what's going to happen. Jenni can submit alone or with a new partner, however--I'm not sure if you noticed or not, but sometimes The Rotunda forgets important things like basic editing or the fact that there's a features column called The Longwood Look that is supposed to be run every week. So, as I said--we're not really sure what's going to happen.
Keep looking here because we'll try to be semi-consistant with blog posts. I'm currently sitting in an office located in the Real World, though, and even though I wish I could be paid to blog, I'm not. Yet.
<3 Megan
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Original or Extra Crispy?
Written by Megan Flynn and Jenni Schweitzer
As you might have guessed at some point, sometimes we run out of fashion-y things to write about. We’re good at being creative on the fly, but this week we’re going to talk about something important that has turned from a simple warm-weather pastime to a strange and freakish “look” that so many girls are trying very hard to work.
“What are we going to write about this week?” Megan asked.
“Tanning? We’ll probably break some hearts,” Jenni replied.
Big deal. It’s time for some tough love.
As the temperature wandered up to above 65 degrees a few weeks ago, we started seeing the emergence of a traditionally summertime trend: sunbathing. In class, one person's skin tone suddenly matched her rich brunette hair, whereas another person appeared as though they had just fallen into a vat of Tang.
Welcome to the salon where you can get naked in a strange building, wear goggles Lady Gaga would be proud of, and lay in heat and light so intense that it damages your skin cells in five minutes. If you would like, we can also spray paint your body to resemble a traffic cone. Creepy! Here, read these silly magazines.
Not only is this trend tacky, it's dangerous. There are numerous reports of varying stages of melanoma - a cancerous growth caused by overexposure to UV light from the sun - in women as young as 20. It has become so common that younger people are encouraged to have birthmarks removed because of the potential danger. Palest Person In The World Megan has had a threatening-looking mole removed from her head, and she applies sunscreen to her freckled face every morning. We both love sunscreen. It’s the best! This week, we want to shine some non-UV light on how you can better spend your time and money than in a tanning salon.
What You Also Might Enjoy...
- 1 session. 10 minutes, 5-10 dollars. Rather than wait in line for the Easy-Bake Oven, head to the Bakery on Main Street for a refreshing citrus drink or peruse the latest Glamour at the bookstore.
- 1 month. Anywhere from 20 to 120 dollars. We would much rather head up to Goodwill and pick up a cool vintage lamp or costume jewelry. We might also go pick up some friends for some classy cocktails, take a trip to Richmond, or maybe invest our money for once and NOT buy shoes. As if.
- 1 package deal. Time and money both depend on the salon, but some have monthly payment plans and contracts are enforced. A contract to have someone rob you of your beautiful, youthful skin? No way. We don't think premature aging is ever going to be a trend, and anything risking your health definitely will not.
Our solution: Jergens' Natural Glow body lotions. They keep skin moisturized and toned while adding a gradual, natural-looking tan to all depths of skin tones. They're safe and effective, so just learn to be patient and you can have your tan without worries. Cost: around 8 dollars. And no wrinkles!
Remember to be kind to your body and especially your skin. You can always change your shirt, but the skin on your face is yours forever. If you're naturally dark skinned, more power to you. You can be tan now and not look 60 years old when you're really just 30. The sun is fun, but aging gracefully will always be stylish.
Photo: Anne Hathaway looking awesome next to the really scary Oompa Loompa sometimes known as Valentino.
As you might have guessed at some point, sometimes we run out of fashion-y things to write about. We’re good at being creative on the fly, but this week we’re going to talk about something important that has turned from a simple warm-weather pastime to a strange and freakish “look” that so many girls are trying very hard to work.
“What are we going to write about this week?” Megan asked.
“Tanning? We’ll probably break some hearts,” Jenni replied.
Big deal. It’s time for some tough love.
As the temperature wandered up to above 65 degrees a few weeks ago, we started seeing the emergence of a traditionally summertime trend: sunbathing. In class, one person's skin tone suddenly matched her rich brunette hair, whereas another person appeared as though they had just fallen into a vat of Tang.
Welcome to the salon where you can get naked in a strange building, wear goggles Lady Gaga would be proud of, and lay in heat and light so intense that it damages your skin cells in five minutes. If you would like, we can also spray paint your body to resemble a traffic cone. Creepy! Here, read these silly magazines.
Not only is this trend tacky, it's dangerous. There are numerous reports of varying stages of melanoma - a cancerous growth caused by overexposure to UV light from the sun - in women as young as 20. It has become so common that younger people are encouraged to have birthmarks removed because of the potential danger. Palest Person In The World Megan has had a threatening-looking mole removed from her head, and she applies sunscreen to her freckled face every morning. We both love sunscreen. It’s the best! This week, we want to shine some non-UV light on how you can better spend your time and money than in a tanning salon.
What You Also Might Enjoy...
- 1 session. 10 minutes, 5-10 dollars. Rather than wait in line for the Easy-Bake Oven, head to the Bakery on Main Street for a refreshing citrus drink or peruse the latest Glamour at the bookstore.
- 1 month. Anywhere from 20 to 120 dollars. We would much rather head up to Goodwill and pick up a cool vintage lamp or costume jewelry. We might also go pick up some friends for some classy cocktails, take a trip to Richmond, or maybe invest our money for once and NOT buy shoes. As if.
- 1 package deal. Time and money both depend on the salon, but some have monthly payment plans and contracts are enforced. A contract to have someone rob you of your beautiful, youthful skin? No way. We don't think premature aging is ever going to be a trend, and anything risking your health definitely will not.
Our solution: Jergens' Natural Glow body lotions. They keep skin moisturized and toned while adding a gradual, natural-looking tan to all depths of skin tones. They're safe and effective, so just learn to be patient and you can have your tan without worries. Cost: around 8 dollars. And no wrinkles!
Remember to be kind to your body and especially your skin. You can always change your shirt, but the skin on your face is yours forever. If you're naturally dark skinned, more power to you. You can be tan now and not look 60 years old when you're really just 30. The sun is fun, but aging gracefully will always be stylish.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Short-Tempered
Written by Megan Flynn and Jenni Schweitzer
It's finally spring, and you know what that means: dresses and puppies for everybody! Unfortunately, we've started noticing the Ides of March, which basically translate to too much skin. Many people are so eager to free their legs after the long confinement of wintry mixes that they're donning anything and everything short. We're attempting to identify and offer solutions to this problem before you make any rash decisions regarding your clothes.
1) Jorts. This ridiculous item of clothing, otherwise known as 'jean shorts,' is pretty unflattering for everybody. Denim is a heavier fabric, which is uncomfortably warm, and it typically lies very close to the body. We love jeans, make no mistake, but we love them because they make our legs into nice long lines. When you deliberately cut or rip your jeans into shorts, well, it's just not nice. Especially when the pockets peek out from the bottom.
- Solution: Look for shorts in different fabrics. We love wide-leg canvas shorts, for example, and they come in lots of fun spring colors. If you choose a bright short, pair it with a neutral top and maybe a fun blazer. You're so cute.
2) Minis. We don't care how awesome your legs look-most items of clothing that are too short are uncomplimentary and add unnecessary and imaginary pounds to your appearance. Mini skirts are supposedly "sexy," but what's sexy about walking around with a silhouette that's not even real and definitely unflattering? How short is too short, you ask. Call us prudes all you want, but we think that if you can't bend over without exposing yourself, you should probably find something that fits you a little better. We love dresses and skirts and yes, even shorts-but we like them better when they look good on you.
- Solution: Stay away from cutoff anything and stick with skirts, shorts and dresses that have lines other than just the one at the bottom. Keep it somewhere between just above your knees and mid-thigh, and you'll be amazed at just how socially acceptable you can really be.
3) Maxis. We're talking about long, summery, sometimes hippie/bohemian looking dresses. As terrible as it may sound, you have to be a certain type of person to pull these off. Okay, maybe you don't have to be a certain kind of person, but you need to look like a certain kind of person. Basically what we're saying is don't put a groovy, printed maxi dress on and head to D-Hall with a backpack and ribbon in your hair.
- Solution: Realize that these dresses, although beautiful, should only be worn in certain situations. We always think of the beach or a nice dinner, and jewelry and even hair style should be chosen carefully. No overworked updos! And stay away from pearls or sparkly jewels. Be easy, man.
4) Beachwear. Obviously, beachwear implies that there is a beach present.
Since that's not the case in Farmville, we don't really need to see you walking around Brock Commons in your bikini, holding a towel. We understand enjoying the nice weather, just make sure you slap on some sunscreen, wear stunna shades, and have some back-up clothes.
- Solution: Beach cover-ups. There are lots of ways to throw on a few articles of clothing and look fresh and ready for summer. Target, for example, currently has a large stock of light dresses in solid colors or fun prints, so just pull one on with a hat and some flip-flops. The most important cover-up, though, is definitely SPF. Make sure you opt for a waterproof formula and at least SPF 30. Tans look nice now, but youthful skin is better.
The Longwood Look is having a contest! Any spring faux-pas that we forgot to mention? Send them to us on Facebook or on our blog, http://longwoodlook.blogspot.com, and the first 15 people to respond will be awarded a booklet of spring deals and coupons, courtesy of Glamour magazine. GO!
It's finally spring, and you know what that means: dresses and puppies for everybody! Unfortunately, we've started noticing the Ides of March, which basically translate to too much skin. Many people are so eager to free their legs after the long confinement of wintry mixes that they're donning anything and everything short. We're attempting to identify and offer solutions to this problem before you make any rash decisions regarding your clothes.
1) Jorts. This ridiculous item of clothing, otherwise known as 'jean shorts,' is pretty unflattering for everybody. Denim is a heavier fabric, which is uncomfortably warm, and it typically lies very close to the body. We love jeans, make no mistake, but we love them because they make our legs into nice long lines. When you deliberately cut or rip your jeans into shorts, well, it's just not nice. Especially when the pockets peek out from the bottom.
- Solution: Look for shorts in different fabrics. We love wide-leg canvas shorts, for example, and they come in lots of fun spring colors. If you choose a bright short, pair it with a neutral top and maybe a fun blazer. You're so cute.
2) Minis. We don't care how awesome your legs look-most items of clothing that are too short are uncomplimentary and add unnecessary and imaginary pounds to your appearance. Mini skirts are supposedly "sexy," but what's sexy about walking around with a silhouette that's not even real and definitely unflattering? How short is too short, you ask. Call us prudes all you want, but we think that if you can't bend over without exposing yourself, you should probably find something that fits you a little better. We love dresses and skirts and yes, even shorts-but we like them better when they look good on you.
- Solution: Stay away from cutoff anything and stick with skirts, shorts and dresses that have lines other than just the one at the bottom. Keep it somewhere between just above your knees and mid-thigh, and you'll be amazed at just how socially acceptable you can really be.
3) Maxis. We're talking about long, summery, sometimes hippie/bohemian looking dresses. As terrible as it may sound, you have to be a certain type of person to pull these off. Okay, maybe you don't have to be a certain kind of person, but you need to look like a certain kind of person. Basically what we're saying is don't put a groovy, printed maxi dress on and head to D-Hall with a backpack and ribbon in your hair.
- Solution: Realize that these dresses, although beautiful, should only be worn in certain situations. We always think of the beach or a nice dinner, and jewelry and even hair style should be chosen carefully. No overworked updos! And stay away from pearls or sparkly jewels. Be easy, man.
4) Beachwear. Obviously, beachwear implies that there is a beach present.
Since that's not the case in Farmville, we don't really need to see you walking around Brock Commons in your bikini, holding a towel. We understand enjoying the nice weather, just make sure you slap on some sunscreen, wear stunna shades, and have some back-up clothes.
- Solution: Beach cover-ups. There are lots of ways to throw on a few articles of clothing and look fresh and ready for summer. Target, for example, currently has a large stock of light dresses in solid colors or fun prints, so just pull one on with a hat and some flip-flops. The most important cover-up, though, is definitely SPF. Make sure you opt for a waterproof formula and at least SPF 30. Tans look nice now, but youthful skin is better.
The Longwood Look is having a contest! Any spring faux-pas that we forgot to mention? Send them to us on Facebook or on our blog, http://longwoodlook.blogspot.com, and the first 15 people to respond will be awarded a booklet of spring deals and coupons, courtesy of Glamour magazine. GO!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Clothes Indeed for Friends in Need
Written by Megan Flynn and Jenni Schweitzer
We think there’s a pretty good chance that anyone who actually reads our columns knows that we love, love, love clothes, and that we think you should love them, too. However, we realize that your resources may be better spent on other things, so why not make them go farther when you decide to use them? Help other people while you shop by doing a bit of research or following our philanthropic guidelines.
If your thing is:
--Two for one: TOMS shoes sends a pair of shoes to a child in need for every pair that you purchase for yourself. With your purchase of the comfortable and fashionable sneaks, you’ll be making sure that one less child in a developing country has to go barefoot, which prevents them from soil-transmitted diseases, cuts, sores, and sometimes you’ll even allow them to go back to school since shoes are usually required as part of their uniforms. You can finally buy that pair of shoes you don’t really need and give a pair to someone who does. No more frivolous shopping for you! toms.com
--HIV/AIDS Research: There are many ways to show your support, like a simple red ribbon, but perhaps the most popular clothing brand dedicated to raising awareness is The Gap’s Product RED. Product RED is a line of tees printed with empowering statements which end in ‘red’, like “inspired” or “cultured”. These comfy graphic tees are made of African cotton and 50 percent of the profits go to drug research.
.png)
--Have too many t-shirts? MAC is running a campaign with two of their new lipsticks, the “Viva Glam Gaga Lipstick” and the “Viva Glam Cyndi Lipstick.” Some of the proceeds from purchases of the pink and red lipstick shades, go to the MAC AIDS Fund to support men, women and children who are affected by AIDS and HIV globally. Check out http://www.macaidsfund.org/ for more information.
--Recycling: You knew this was coming. There are countless recycling projects across the country, and fortunately, you can contribute and benefit with minimal effort and cost. Coca-Cola Drink 2 Wear shirts, made from recycled Coke bottles, are available at Wal-mart. Freecycle.com is a website dedicated to recycling gently used goods by allowing individuals to post them and others to pick them up. Additionally, several outfitters offer handbags made of recyclables. It’s even easier to go local in Farmville. Madeline’s House is a thrift store across from Wilck’s Lake and the proceeds go to a shelter for abused women and children.
December isn’t the only time to think of good will toward men and women. These are easy ways to make it part of your spending sprees.
We think there’s a pretty good chance that anyone who actually reads our columns knows that we love, love, love clothes, and that we think you should love them, too. However, we realize that your resources may be better spent on other things, so why not make them go farther when you decide to use them? Help other people while you shop by doing a bit of research or following our philanthropic guidelines.
If your thing is:
--Two for one: TOMS shoes sends a pair of shoes to a child in need for every pair that you purchase for yourself. With your purchase of the comfortable and fashionable sneaks, you’ll be making sure that one less child in a developing country has to go barefoot, which prevents them from soil-transmitted diseases, cuts, sores, and sometimes you’ll even allow them to go back to school since shoes are usually required as part of their uniforms. You can finally buy that pair of shoes you don’t really need and give a pair to someone who does. No more frivolous shopping for you! toms.com
.png)
--Have too many t-shirts? MAC is running a campaign with two of their new lipsticks, the “Viva Glam Gaga Lipstick” and the “Viva Glam Cyndi Lipstick.” Some of the proceeds from purchases of the pink and red lipstick shades, go to the MAC AIDS Fund to support men, women and children who are affected by AIDS and HIV globally. Check out http://www.macaidsfund.org/ for more information.
--Recycling: You knew this was coming. There are countless recycling projects across the country, and fortunately, you can contribute and benefit with minimal effort and cost. Coca-Cola Drink 2 Wear shirts, made from recycled Coke bottles, are available at Wal-mart. Freecycle.com is a website dedicated to recycling gently used goods by allowing individuals to post them and others to pick them up. Additionally, several outfitters offer handbags made of recyclables. It’s even easier to go local in Farmville. Madeline’s House is a thrift store across from Wilck’s Lake and the proceeds go to a shelter for abused women and children.
December isn’t the only time to think of good will toward men and women. These are easy ways to make it part of your spending sprees.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Style Inspiration
Posted by Jenni
Trust me, if I had 500 days to talk about Zooey Deschanel, I would be just as enamored with her as Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character in the indie film 500 Days of Summer. Aside from being the sister of the beautiful Emily Deschanel - star of FOX's Bones, she is a fantastic singer and frequently stirs up the fashion world with her mod hairstyle, vintage clothing, and whimsical silhouettes.
To be your Zooey-est self, either find an amazing vintage bathing suit, or call up Marc Jacobs for your own personal day dress. Or try a fun color combination with a simple tank, skirt, and tights combination. Pair with flats, like Zooey, or try menswear-inspired loafers to test a newer shoe trend.
Send us your style inspirations here, on Facebook, or to longwoodlook@gmail.com.
Trust me, if I had 500 days to talk about Zooey Deschanel, I would be just as enamored with her as Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character in the indie film 500 Days of Summer. Aside from being the sister of the beautiful Emily Deschanel - star of FOX's Bones, she is a fantastic singer and frequently stirs up the fashion world with her mod hairstyle, vintage clothing, and whimsical silhouettes.
To be your Zooey-est self, either find an amazing vintage bathing suit, or call up Marc Jacobs for your own personal day dress. Or try a fun color combination with a simple tank, skirt, and tights combination. Pair with flats, like Zooey, or try menswear-inspired loafers to test a newer shoe trend.
Send us your style inspirations here, on Facebook, or to longwoodlook@gmail.com.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Pants with Perspective
Written by Megan Flynn and Jenni Schweitzer
This week at The Longwood Look we are seeking to help your love life with fashion sense—because there’s nothing worse than going out on a date with a guy that you barely know and halfway through think, “I know you. I’ve dated you before.” We can save you some time and definitely some heartbreak. We’ve been on enough dates, and we are 98% sure that you can know important things about a guy before you ever even speak to him. As strange as it may seem, you need to start looking at pants. And judging the men who wear them.
This isn’t very scientific. But you can’t say we didn’t warn you.
1)Khaki: Men who wear Dockers or J.Crew pants constantly aren’t actually men at all, at least emotionally—they’re either little boys or they’re elderly—and sometimes, they’re both. Don’t get us wrong, khaki is great sometimes, it’s clean and tidy and all those boring things. When your closet is full of it, though, there’s a problem. Grow up or live a little. There are other things out there. Our advice: Keep looking.
2)Skinny Jeans: Like Khaki Men, Girl Pant Boys hang out on two opposite extremes—either very confident and fun or totally insecure and obsessed with being trendy. We mostly hang out with the confident and fun variety, and a lot of our cool guy friends that dress well all rock skinny jeans. (For a funny take on skinny jeans by someone who knows, check out the post below) Our advice: Proceed, with caution.
3)Distressed/Bleached/Deliberately Damaged Denim: Oh boy. Here’s a question—why would you pay money (sometimes extra) for a pair of pants that some poor kid in a third-world country had to spend extra hours ripping up for your aesthetic delight? These men cannot be trusted. We feel, quite strongly, that if someone has a choice between lovely intact jeans and ones with gaping holes and frayed seams and chooses the latter, they’re probably not going to be able to appreciate a good thing when they see it. Our advice: Steer clear.
4)Worn-in Jeans: A silhouette labeled “worn-in” is not only kind-of gross, it’s also questionable. Someone who wants pre-worn pants? Seriously? Well, whatever the reason, we’ve discovered that Worn-in Guys aren’t so bad. Clearly, they may not welcome change or adventure, and they probably enjoy cheeseburgers. They might really love dogs. We’re pretty sure you know Worn-in Guys. The problem with them is that they really tend to be against change. These are men who live by the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality. Make sure you give them plenty of notice if you’re going to leave them. Our advice: Give him a try.
5)Boot-Cut Jeans: Now we’re talking about men who wear normal old jeans. Uncomplicated, drama-free jeans. Just like them. We may write a fashion column, but we know the value of a guy who wakes up in the morning and knows that there are more important things than the pants he’s wearing. We’re not saying these guys don’t care—they just happen to prefer jeans that always look good without being fussy. Medium to dark wash, boot-cut jeans work with all kinds of shirts and make the whole world a little simpler. Our advice: Find one for yourself.
Like jean shopping, dating takes a few tries, and things can always change. But as always, the most important thing is finding something that fits your life and makes you happy enough to forget the rest of them.
This week at The Longwood Look we are seeking to help your love life with fashion sense—because there’s nothing worse than going out on a date with a guy that you barely know and halfway through think, “I know you. I’ve dated you before.” We can save you some time and definitely some heartbreak. We’ve been on enough dates, and we are 98% sure that you can know important things about a guy before you ever even speak to him. As strange as it may seem, you need to start looking at pants. And judging the men who wear them.
This isn’t very scientific. But you can’t say we didn’t warn you.
1)Khaki: Men who wear Dockers or J.Crew pants constantly aren’t actually men at all, at least emotionally—they’re either little boys or they’re elderly—and sometimes, they’re both. Don’t get us wrong, khaki is great sometimes, it’s clean and tidy and all those boring things. When your closet is full of it, though, there’s a problem. Grow up or live a little. There are other things out there. Our advice: Keep looking.
2)Skinny Jeans: Like Khaki Men, Girl Pant Boys hang out on two opposite extremes—either very confident and fun or totally insecure and obsessed with being trendy. We mostly hang out with the confident and fun variety, and a lot of our cool guy friends that dress well all rock skinny jeans. (For a funny take on skinny jeans by someone who knows, check out the post below) Our advice: Proceed, with caution.
3)Distressed/Bleached/Deliberately Damaged Denim: Oh boy. Here’s a question—why would you pay money (sometimes extra) for a pair of pants that some poor kid in a third-world country had to spend extra hours ripping up for your aesthetic delight? These men cannot be trusted. We feel, quite strongly, that if someone has a choice between lovely intact jeans and ones with gaping holes and frayed seams and chooses the latter, they’re probably not going to be able to appreciate a good thing when they see it. Our advice: Steer clear.
4)Worn-in Jeans: A silhouette labeled “worn-in” is not only kind-of gross, it’s also questionable. Someone who wants pre-worn pants? Seriously? Well, whatever the reason, we’ve discovered that Worn-in Guys aren’t so bad. Clearly, they may not welcome change or adventure, and they probably enjoy cheeseburgers. They might really love dogs. We’re pretty sure you know Worn-in Guys. The problem with them is that they really tend to be against change. These are men who live by the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality. Make sure you give them plenty of notice if you’re going to leave them. Our advice: Give him a try.
5)Boot-Cut Jeans: Now we’re talking about men who wear normal old jeans. Uncomplicated, drama-free jeans. Just like them. We may write a fashion column, but we know the value of a guy who wakes up in the morning and knows that there are more important things than the pants he’s wearing. We’re not saying these guys don’t care—they just happen to prefer jeans that always look good without being fussy. Medium to dark wash, boot-cut jeans work with all kinds of shirts and make the whole world a little simpler. Our advice: Find one for yourself.
Like jean shopping, dating takes a few tries, and things can always change. But as always, the most important thing is finding something that fits your life and makes you happy enough to forget the rest of them.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Spiderman, hipsters and pants, oh my!
Before constructing this week's Look (Pants with Perspective) we asked one of our highly fashionable friends to write a creative piece on the stereotypes certain pants convey. As an example, we cited the notorious 'hipster skinny-jean'. He complied. Enjoy.
-If you didn’t already know, the skin-tight jeans worn by male hipsters such are the brain-eating symbiotes that plagued the superheroes of Marvel Comics.
Spiderman became host to the first and most famous symbiote -- Venom -- in Secret Wars #8. While looking for a fix to his battle-damaged costume, Spiderman accidentally discovered in a prison module what appeared, at first, to be a stronger replacement -- with impressive new features such as a never-ending supply of web and morphing capabilities. The average person might have a few concerns about an oily black goo that so eagerly spreads itself over your body. Not Spidey, though.
I encounter my symbiote at Tractor Supply Company, in Farmville. I needed a replacement for my old pair of wide-legged jeans -- 32-30 -- that had been washed so many times over the years they were now more white than blue. I was in a hurry, though. A despairing friend needed a shoulder on which to bawl. I simply wanted to buy a new pair jean of the same style as my old ones before the store closed for the night. In my rush, I didn't notice, however, that the pair of jeans I had bought were not wide-legged, but Cowboy Cut.
When I tried them on a few hours later, they were so tight it hurt to sit. The button above the zipper jammed against my stomach hard enough to leave a mark.
However! I looked absolutely fabulous in them. As my friend sobbed on the couch in the living room, I couldn’t stop standing up and admiring my better half in the window’s reflection. “Who is the fairest one of all?” I cooed under my breath.
Now, Spider Man’s relationship with his symbiote quickly lost its charm. The alien costume liked to control Spidey’s actions while he slept. It’s long-term goal was full control of the brain. The ensuing struggle between Spidey and Vemon bears all the mental and physical hallmarks of an abusive relationship. There was fighting, crying, pain, and a huge power struggle. Words were said. A number of times the symbiote threated to eat Spidey’s spleen. Their relationship was eventually terminated in a chiming bell tower.
The Cowboy Cuts and I have not yet reached the point of conflict. However, I can certainly see how they have made me different person. Pants of this tightness alter blood flow, which slowly decreases the amount of oxygen the brain receives. I now understand the detached ironic mood of hipsters much better than before. I’ve observed what happens to hipster gentlemen who wear tight jeans for an extended period of time. The brain damage manifests itself in many ugly ways, from their taste in music (indie), their taste in shirts (twee), and their consumption of beer (PBR).
I do not look forward to joining the dour ranks of these people. Who would? But I have a choice: being faithful to all the things in which I believe, or looking damn sexy. I choose the latter, and I do so with a stiff upper lip for the horrors that it will wreak upon my life. I am reminded of a request Venom once made of Spider Man. “Come closer,” he said, “so we can suck your lungs out through your cerebral cortex.”
Tune in soon for Megan and Jenni's personal pant peeves.
-If you didn’t already know, the skin-tight jeans worn by male hipsters such are the brain-eating symbiotes that plagued the superheroes of Marvel Comics.
Spiderman became host to the first and most famous symbiote -- Venom -- in Secret Wars #8. While looking for a fix to his battle-damaged costume, Spiderman accidentally discovered in a prison module what appeared, at first, to be a stronger replacement -- with impressive new features such as a never-ending supply of web and morphing capabilities. The average person might have a few concerns about an oily black goo that so eagerly spreads itself over your body. Not Spidey, though.
I encounter my symbiote at Tractor Supply Company, in Farmville. I needed a replacement for my old pair of wide-legged jeans -- 32-30 -- that had been washed so many times over the years they were now more white than blue. I was in a hurry, though. A despairing friend needed a shoulder on which to bawl. I simply wanted to buy a new pair jean of the same style as my old ones before the store closed for the night. In my rush, I didn't notice, however, that the pair of jeans I had bought were not wide-legged, but Cowboy Cut.
When I tried them on a few hours later, they were so tight it hurt to sit. The button above the zipper jammed against my stomach hard enough to leave a mark.
However! I looked absolutely fabulous in them. As my friend sobbed on the couch in the living room, I couldn’t stop standing up and admiring my better half in the window’s reflection. “Who is the fairest one of all?” I cooed under my breath.
Now, Spider Man’s relationship with his symbiote quickly lost its charm. The alien costume liked to control Spidey’s actions while he slept. It’s long-term goal was full control of the brain. The ensuing struggle between Spidey and Vemon bears all the mental and physical hallmarks of an abusive relationship. There was fighting, crying, pain, and a huge power struggle. Words were said. A number of times the symbiote threated to eat Spidey’s spleen. Their relationship was eventually terminated in a chiming bell tower.
The Cowboy Cuts and I have not yet reached the point of conflict. However, I can certainly see how they have made me different person. Pants of this tightness alter blood flow, which slowly decreases the amount of oxygen the brain receives. I now understand the detached ironic mood of hipsters much better than before. I’ve observed what happens to hipster gentlemen who wear tight jeans for an extended period of time. The brain damage manifests itself in many ugly ways, from their taste in music (indie), their taste in shirts (twee), and their consumption of beer (PBR).
I do not look forward to joining the dour ranks of these people. Who would? But I have a choice: being faithful to all the things in which I believe, or looking damn sexy. I choose the latter, and I do so with a stiff upper lip for the horrors that it will wreak upon my life. I am reminded of a request Venom once made of Spider Man. “Come closer,” he said, “so we can suck your lungs out through your cerebral cortex.”
Tune in soon for Megan and Jenni's personal pant peeves.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
